Today I rode a (real) bike the furthest I have in my life. I also should note this is something like the second time I have ridden a bike since 6th grade. That junk hurts. I don’t know if it’s a case of not remembering it because when you were younger running and biking was fun because you didn’t realize you were exercising and when you got tired you just stopped. A simpler time. Before it became exercise OR die a premature and untimely death.
Maybe kid’s bikes are much more comfy. Or maybe it’s because my butt was a lot smaller then and actually fit on the bike seat. Really bikes? Who decided that bike seats should be made of the bones of broken dreams? I imagine this is what having an STD in your ass feels like.
Moving on to helmets. They’re never stylish. When was the last time you saw a helmet and were like, “Wow. I gotta get me one of those.” NEVER. You wanna know how to look like a lame? Put on a helmet.
Eliza Dushku can’t look cool in a helmet. Not even I can look cool in a helmet. (See what I did there? That means I’m cooler than Eliza Dushku. Ok, just making sure you got it.) And in case you don’t know who Eliza Dushku is, let me remind you. She was every girl whonowdateswomen’s favorite character from Bring It On.
And speaking of Bring It On, has anyone seen the 23 sequels? Cuz I have. They’re hilariously racist. Bet you didn’t know that was a thing.
Hahaha. Did you see? It was a white girl! Gets me every time.